Monday, September 27, 2010

The Real Truth About My Surgery: Part 4

................but what happened during my surgery, bit by bit, started coming back to me.   I am furious..  Do you remember what was going on when I drifted off to sleep in my drug induced euphoria?  I wanted to scream at my surgeon for writing his honey-do list on my leg.  But I couldn't because I was out like a light................ This is what I have been able to piece together:

The nurses pushed me through another door..............no .........I think it was two more doors before I was finally wheeled into the OR.  My doctor was standing just outside the door using some Purel on his hands.  "I'm ready to go gals..........................get her moved onto the table and get her leg up."

"Doc," one of the nurses looked at him, "she wanted to talk to you about writing on her leg.  She wasn't very happy about it."

"Oh........" he said.  "She is quite a trouble maker.  I heard she got tired of sitting in the waiting room. "  He  walked to the circulating nurse and thrust his hands into the sterile gloves offered to him.

"Yes Sir, Doc."  one of the nurses agreed.  They pushed my bed parallel to the operating table, pulled down my side rails, transferred my IVs  and with the anesthesiologist and a nurse on one side, and the other two nurses on the other side, they  rolled up the sheet on both sides of my body. 

"On the count of three" one of the nurses said.  "One, two, three...........Umph, grunt, ooof.  "  They were unable to slide me me off  my bed.  "We're not going to be able to move her by ourselves."

The anesthesiologist pulled the sheet off my left leg.  "No wonder, she's very fat.  Where are the boys?" 

The nurses looked at one another.  " I think they are down the hall cleaning bedpans."  "Bubba, Tiny..............are you free to come and help us?"

From a room down the hall I could hear an answer.  "Yo, we'll be right there after we dump this last one."

I could hear the flush of water and in seconds two giant men walked through the door of the OR.  One of the nurses began to laugh.  "Bubba, you are trailing toilet paper on your shoe."  And then they all began to laugh.........including the Doc.  The giant reached down, snatched the string of toilet paper, balled it up and tossed it toward the Doc.  "Catch!"

Doc caught it, balled it up again and threw a line drive toward Bubba.  Bubba caught it and tossed it into a trash bin.  After they had  high-fived one another they turned to the job at hand.  "What do you need?"  Bubba smiled at the nurses, a gold tooth glinting from the light over the operating table.

One nurse giggled.   Another said, "Come help us move this patient."  With Bubba and two nurses on one side, and Tiny , the anesthesiologist, and the other nurse on the other side , and on the count of three, they easily slid my inert and unconscious body onto the table.

One of the nurses winked at Bubba.  "While you are here could you put her leg up for us?" The nurses busied themselves in the OR while the anesthesiologist went back to the head of the operating table and began to rummage through his equipment.  Doc was standing with his hands in the air. 

Bubba and Tiny looked at me, my left leg still exposed.  " It says here, " right leg, very fat ", observed Tiny.  

"You can say that again." snickered  Bubba.

Tiny suppressed a giggle.  "This must be the the right leg, so help me put it up in this thing."  They lifted my leg and and placed it in the steel brace.   "If you need any more  help, call us.." Bubba said.

The circulating nurse stopped what she was doing.  "She won't weigh any less when it its time to put her back on her bed."  They left the room, laughing  all the way down the hall.

to be continued.........................................................

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